Joe’s Crow Country

BACK in January last year, if anyone would have guessed at who was going to be the headline makers of 2010, we all would have plumped for David Cameron ahead of Mary Bale. Mainly because we hadn’t heard of her.

But whether it was for becoming Prime Minister or binning cats, these were two of the names frequently on lips throughout the year.

I’ve tried to cover some of the year’s events in my awards below. It’s not quite as straightforward as ‘Moment of the Year,’ but I hope you enjoy.

January – Unsurprising Weather Award – Snow in Winter: It was cold in January you know. So cold it snowed, like it does nearly every year. It didn’t stop weeks of coverage. It was hot in August, in case you’re wondering.

January - Most Devastating Natural Disaster – Haiti Earthquake: Serious award this. Terrible. Up to 200,000 casualties. Infrastructure destroyed. A nation ruined.

February - The John Terry/Tiger Woods Award for Loyalty to Women - John Terry/Tiger Woods (joint): These two affairs by sport stars were the stand out ones of the year. Grovelling apologies later, their dignity still remains in tatters. And in the month of valentines too!

April - Pompeii Prize for Volcanic Excellence – Eyjafjallajokull: When it comes to causing disruption, the Icelandic volcano ash cloud which crawled over Europe in April did a damn good job. Europe’s airports saw interferences for a period spanning three months – the longest with no air travel since the Second World War.

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July - The England Football Team Award for Continuous Disappointment - The England Football Team: You know the story – media hype, blind optimism and unmasked patriotism before a ball has been kicked. Media anger, men without shirts on crying and a feeling of inferiority when it’s quickly over. At least this year there was the excuse of simply being rubbish.

July - The Decline of a National Treasure Award - Paul Gascoigne: Everyone loves Gazza, which it why it was so bizarre to hear him ring Metro Radio in July to offer wanted gunman Raoul Moat a can of lager and a fishing rod. He’s wanted for murder Paul, not a lad’s weekend.

August - The Normal Person from Coventry Thrust into Unlikely Media Spotlight Award – Mary Bale and Steven Holmes (joint): August was a big month for the midlands city. While Bale was becoming a hate-figure for animal rights groups everywhere for putting a cat in a bin, Holmes was humbly shunning fame after it was revealed he was the only person on Twitter followed by rap megastar Kayne West. Incredibly this was the most contested category. September - Gallagher Brothers’ Award for Sibling Rivalry - Edward and David Milliband: Less Cigarettes and Alcohol and more Speeches and Campaigning, but it would have been one hell of an eagerly contested cracker pull on Christmas Day. I wonder if Dave got his own back on Ed, who was named Labour leader after the election.

October - The National News Award for Dragging it Out - Coverage of Chilean Miners: I felt sorry for BBC News when I watched the recovery of the 33 miners from Copiapo in October. A remarkable story, sure, but having to think of a separate twist as each one rose to the surface must have been hard. “Here’s number 28, he was a miner, erm.” Can we change the channel until it’s over?

October - Alex Ferguson’s Chewing Gum Award for Making Viewers Feel Sick - The Only Way is Essex (Joint): Pipping phantom fainter Gillian McKeith to the crown is this hideous and confusing half-reality half-soap show about orange wallies living in Brentwood. Not only gave the county a bad name, but shamed anyone with half a brain cell.

November - Award for a Good Effort in Vain - Rioting Students: Ultimately it proved to not be quite enough. Windows were smashed, fire extinguishers were dropped, and even Camilla was poked with a stick, but tuition fees still rose. Still, the news coverage shone light on thousands’ discontent with the coalition.

December - The Award for Most Newsworthy Engagement – Mike Tindall and Zara Phillips: Sit down Will and Kate, this engagement is going to another couple whose matrimony will affect no one in the country but themselves. We’ll be grateful when you know this is even going on when we’re bombarded for months on what shampoo Kate’s using and what show polish Will’s plumped for.

And finally…Sinclair C5’s It Surely Won’t Catch On Award – 3D TV: It worked with Avatar, but will we ever get used to Ian Beale being inches from our face?